People in every relationship have disagreements. When arguments occur between partners, a small one can turn into something massive that can actually destroy a relationship if the couple approaches the argument the wrong way.
Never fear! You can disagree without destroying your relationship with these 10 Fighting Fair Rules, but first Never:
- Ambush your partner
- Call her/him by an offensive name
- Criticize her/him personally (criticizing their behavior is OK)
- Bring up old arguments
- Threaten the relationship
- Compare your partner to past lover/s
- Push, hit or grab your partner
- Throw something at him/her
- Hurt yourself
- Go to bed angry
10 FIGHTING FAIR RULES:
- Avoid bad timing when your partner is in public,with the family, focused on work, cooking, driving or doing something that needs their full attention. It can be inconsiderate and even more destructive.
- Don’t wait too long to discuss little disagreements. You don’t want them to escalate your emotions so that you resent the other person. Relationships can end too soon because people store up the little disagreements until they have assumed giant proportions.
- Make statements that start with “I” instead of “You”! Focus your words on how you feel rather than criticizing your partner.
- Be clear! Don’t expect your partner to be able to read your mind. If you can think it then you can say it clearly and concisely. Just think before you speak.
- Be polite! By adding words such as “please” and “thank you” as your partner will appreciate what you have to say a lot more.
- Look into your partner’s eyes when you talk about conflicts and stay calm.
- Don’t yell and scream over each other to see who can get the last word.
- Be willing to admit that you are wrong if you hurt your partner’s feelings, even if it wasn’t intentional.
- Don’t give each other the silent treatment, try to make each other jealous or do anything that you may regret.
- Do your best to find some humor in your argument and make each other laugh so that you can makeup before you go to sleep.
Practice communicating the above rules and read this quote to each other. “Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; Love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; Love illuminates it.” ~Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.