In my seminars around the world, whenever I ask the audience “What Kills Passion?” the first thing that people shout out is “Children” so I know how easy and natural it is to put the kids first and neglect your partner’s intimate needs.
A Newsweek study found that married couples have sex no more than 10 times a year after they have children. Don’t allow your relationship to turn into a “sexless marriage” statistic because you have the willpower to change it and make passion a priority, even if you haven’t had sex for a while. You can be a good parent and still have a passionate love life by following some of these suggestions.
- Be Flirtatious and give each other compliments every day, write sexy notes for your partner to find in unexpected places. Take your favorite colored lipstick or shaving cream to write something sexy on the bathroom mirror for your partner to see. Flirting with each other will reignite the chemistry you had when you first met.
- Hold hands the way you used to when you were dating while walking, sitting, watching TV or laying next to each other. Kiss passionately with eye contact and say “I love you” every day. When a man kisses a woman he transfers testosterone through his saliva into her mouth, which is why women get so turned on by making out.
- Watch a romantic movie and cuddle after the children are asleep to get you in the mood for lovemaking. Movies like Dirty Dancing, Titanic, Nine and a Half Weeks, Wild Orchid and The Notebook can all stimulate your sense of sight while you watch a steamy scene and that will raise your libido.
- Sext each other naughty messages during the day to let your partner know how much you desire him or her. Text a sexual fantasy that you are too shy to talk about face-to-face to create sexual anticipation for later on when you see each other. For example if you would like to use a new sex toy to enhance your sex life, send your partner a photo of it and order it together online or go to an adult toy store and make it a fun date.
- Read some erotica to each other or watch one of my sexy instructional videos on Pleasing a Woman, Sensual BDSM for Couples, Anal Pleasure for Women or Oral Sex for Couples, all available at Amazon.com. You can learn some new tips and techniques to satisfy yourself and your partner.
- Plan a date at home with a picnic in bed of your favorite finger foods and drinks. Be sure to incorporate some aphrodisiacs such as avocado, asparagus, oysters, shrimp, figs, bananas, pumpkin, licorice, watermelon, honey and chocolates. To drink, pomegranate juice can increase your testosterone up to 30% or you may prefer a little wine to lower your inhibitions.
- Surprise quickies in the bathroom can be fun and satisfying in the shower, in the bathtub, on the toilet seat, leaning over the sink or laying on a pile of soft towels on the floor. Just remember to lock the door!
- Play sexy games like Spin the Bottle, Truth or Dare, Sex Scrabble, Sexman (like Hangman but all the words must be sexual), Sexoopoly (play Monopoly naked), Strip Poker, Checkers, Chess or Backgammon. Being playful and laughing together leads to more intimacy and releases feel-good endorphins that can release stress and ease pain such as headaches and arthritis.
- Role-play with some sensual power play after you decide who is going to be the Master or Mistress and who is going to be the Sex Slave. The punisher can spank his or her slave and demand some oral pleasure. Be sure to take turns so that you both get your needs met being sexually dominant and submissive. It’s important to take turns initiating role-playing so that one partner doesn’t feel like he or she is always the one to start sexual intimacy. You can also dress up to enhance the fantasy as a biker and a slut, nurse and patient, teacher and student or stripper and a customer. The idea is to get out of character and have some adult fun!
- Schedule a babysitter on a regular basis so that you can go out for a romantic date. Whatever you do, leave the children out of your intimate conversation. This regular date night is all about the two of you reconnecting mentally, physically, emotionally and maybe even sexually.
I’m hoping that you’ll try some of the passion possibilities and realize how important your love relationship is in your life. Your kids will grow up and fall in love, then leave home and make their relationship a priority. At that point you don’t want your partner to just be your roommate, so start being more passionate today.
Moms and dads may feel hesitant about having sex again after neglecting it, but once you get back in the saddle you’ll be much happier in your relationship and more sexually satisfied, resulting in even better parenting.